The Mark of the Beast

I'm sure you're all aware of the "mark of the beast" that is referred to in the Bible. I'm sure you'll get a kick out of my encounter with "666." Here's a little background info. Brent and I were asked to lead a small group at out church on Sunday nights. So it's Sunday at around 5:45 and we had just dropped Camryn off to stay with her Nana (thank goodness). Brent was hungry so he wanted to stop at McDonalds to get something to eat before group. We got to the window and ordered, "3 chipolte snack wraps (crispy) no lettuce, fries, and a large sweet tea." Our total came across the screen, "$6.66." Brent said, "Wow look at that." I responded with, "Do you think they can add a penny to it or something?"



I was really upset about something that had happened earlier and was talking to Brent about it as we pulled up to the window. He had lost his patience with me about this and was not very compassionate and defintiely not understanding. After getting our food and LARGE tea, I told him that my issue was making me feel sick to my stomach. He turned to me and basically said, "You just need to stop worrying about it and get over it!" I felt like one of those cartoon characters who gets so mad that steam blows out of their nose, ears, mouth, and head. Without thinking, I threw the LARGE cup of sweet tea across the car at Brent and it hit the window and spewed everywhere. THE MARK OF THE BEAST!!!! I can't believe I did that. I never do irrational things! Even in the heat of the moment I usually make better decions than I did that day. So as you can imagine Brent's steaming at the point so what's left of the cup flies back across the car and hits me in the neck. I still can't believe we did this! How silly looking back on the situation!



So picture this...Brent and Tonya AKA grow group leaders driving down the road drenched in McDonalds' sweet tea headed to lead grow group. Brent made the comment that it looked like we had just washed the car, only the water (tea) droplets were on the inside of our car. We called our grow group members to let them know we were running late. We went home cleaned ourselves and the car up. It was a mess! The radio facing still has tea stuck on the inside where we couldn't get it out (sticky battlewound). Weekend project I guess. Note to self: Next time you get mad and want to throw something, don't do it anywhere that you have to clean it up!!!!! So that was my encounter with the mark of the beast. Make sure if this happens to you, just give a little extra money and drive off quickly before the clerck can give it back or you might be left cleaning up after "the mark of the beast."

Things That Make My Heart MELT

I knew from the day I was probably about five that I would love to be a mommy. After all, it's really all I have ever REALLY wanted to do. My dream was not to be a movie star, singer, or even the first female president. It was simple...all I wanted was to be a mommy. God fulfilled my dream in March of 2007. Although I have looked forward to the day that I would be called mommy, I never imagined that it would be this GREAT. I'm in no way, shape, or form saying that being a parent is easy, but the pros far outweigh the cons! I just know that despite the type of day I have experienced that the moment I look into Camryn's eyes and see her smile, nothing else in the world matters and my heart is content.

Since the past few days have been a little complaint oriented, I've decided to look at the bright side of things. Of course Camryn inspired me. As we were coloring tonight, which is among my favorite things to do with her, she looked at me and said, "Hol me" (hold me). It was with those two words that my heart filled with grattitude and love. It amazes me that a simple gesture or words from her can melt my heart. Below are some things that I have experienced in life that have made my heart melt. Not all are about Camryn or being a mommy, but I'm sure that will be the majority:)

• The first time Camryn smiled
• I was always afraid that I would miss Cam's first steps and first time crawling b/c I have to work, but she saved her first crawl for me (and it was a day before my birthday). So very special.
• When Brent leaves me sweet little notes, sends texts messages, and unexpected emails just to say, "I love you!" Here's what he sent today...

"you haven't seen one of these in a while have you? I know I have been slack, I wanted to let you know to keep your head up. I know things are getting tough with school and all but remember you are there for a reason. Not everyone can do what you do, and your very good at it. Remember at the beginning of the year when you said you didn't think there was any hope for them? Well I know the other day you told me that you are seeing some improvement in the kids. Keep your head up I will always be there for you. I love you and hope you have a wonderful day."

• I secretly love it when Camryn wants me and no one else.
• When I am leaving Cam at Nana's in the mornings before work and she doesn't want me to go and says, "NO, NO, NO" while shaking her head and hands. It's really cute, but heartrenching at the same time.
• When you tell Cam that she is pretty or that you love her and she replies with an, "I know" with a slight Japanese sounding accent
• When friends like P.Collins send me notes with a butterfinger saying, "I hope you got your work done and have a great day. I love you!" It's things like this that keep me going!
• When I see people accpet Christ and most of all baptisims (I'm gauranteed to cry during these).
• When I had a miscarriage and my first grade friends had their students and mine make cards and posters to tell me they loved me, missed me, and hoped I felt better. I especially loved thier emails, notes, talks, shoulders to cry on, acts of kindness, and dinner. They're the greatest group of women to work with. I love you guys!
• When Cam drops something or messes up and she says, "Oh man!" It's really cute and we had not idea where she got it from until tonight as we're watching Dora and Swiper says it. See TV does teach children!
• When I watch Cam sleep peacefully in her "big girl bed." Most of all, I love it when she is upset and doesn't want to be alone, which means I get to lay with her until she's tuckered out.
• When my students learn something new that they have been struggling to learn. The light in their eyes when they tackle that mountain is priceless.
• When Tristan and Lamarcus come to give me a hug each and every day because they want to. I know that I have touched their lives, but all the glory goes to God.
  
• When I hear Taylor W. sing.
• Weddings (I always cry there too whether I really know the couple or not--kind of embarrassing!)
• When despite how hard I have been on my first grade students, they still come by to hug me before they leave school at the end of the day. It amazes me that they understand that I love them no matter what.
• to see Cam smile
• to hear Brent talk about God and what he's doing in his life and his take on our Bible story for the week. He's an amazing man. How did I get so lucky?
• To see Cam dance
• to hear about God's faithfulness and answered prayer
• to hear Daddy say that I'm still his little girl
• to see my mom finally happy and smiling everytime I see her. I can't remember the last time she has been so happy.
• when I read Brent's old love notes to me from high school and college
• At this point in life one of the things that melts my heart the most is when I hear Cam say her prayers. This is her blessing..."Than you Jesus, bess dis bood, Hamen!" (thank you Jesus. Bless this food, Amen) It's precious...trust me!

My hope is that this will bless someone's heart today. By writing it, it has made me look on the sunny side of life and focus on the things that make me the most happy. Thank you Jesus for paying the price for all my sins so that I can be here and live this life, although it's not always a bed of roses, and experience the many blessings that I do have! I am so thankful, and I just hope that I can bless the people's lives mentioned in this blog as much as they have blessed mine!

Why are things always so much harder for me?

Here's the situation...I'm currently in the process of getting my masters in education. I'm in educational research I right now and two weeks away from my final class in there. I've been working on my thesis paper (since SWU has such high expectations we can't just do a research paper). This paper has to be between 30 and 50 pages. The professor said that we had to write an approval letter to let the principal know that we were planning to do research in our school. I did that and submitted it during Christmas break. My principal said that she had to forward it to the GCS district for approval. After three attempsts at trying to get a response, she sends me an email with an approval attachment. I guess the letter I submitted was not good enough becasue this letter was three pages and asking for basically a finished project, but remember you can't do any research until it's approved. What if they denied it? Would one do all that work for NOTHING? My sweet and caring VP called the guy at the research department and got things straightened out for me. Thanks Mr. H! You're the best (no matter how much I tell you you're not)! Turns out, I can learn about the things that I have to submit with the research request form and submit it before I actually survey or collect any data, but the bottom line is that I have to go through all this JUNK to do a stinkin' project. That's just dumb if you ask me. I would really prefer it if they would just give me the data without any student names on it to be honest. Wouldn't that be easier? We all know GCSD doesn't know easy right?

My biggest problem with this whole situation is that I am the only student in my entire cohort who is having to go through this long, drawn-out process. Sucks to be me! The sad thing is that there are only 2 teachers who don't work for GCSD, but everyone eles's principals just signed off on their approval letter. I admire my principal for obeying ALL the rules, but it's just blows my mind that no other principals are following the procedures they are supposed to. Frustrating to say the least!

Why me? I'm always the one who has to work harder at everything. Grades don't come easy to me. I work hard for those. My first pregnancy was very rough. My second pregnancy was even worse. I had three blighted ovums (not just one or even two, but THREE), which was really hard on me and still haunts me to this day. Not to mention, I'm still paying on my bill from that. In college I could never find a decent part time job. Finanaces have always been a struggle. You don't want to even get me started on my first grade class this year. They are the toughest group to teach that I've ever experienced. Why can't things come easy to me like they do for so many people around me? I can hear my dad right now, "Life's just not fair, Tonya." I try to do well, and I'm always working toward being a better wife, mom, Christian, sister, friend, daughter, TEACHER, and person in general. I just don't get it! I'm just holding to the advice Brent gives me on this subject. "Maybe if you work harder for things, you'll appreciate them more." Honestly, I think that at this point in my life I would be so appreciative to "EASY!"

I'm not posting this for sympathy, but, much like yesterday, I just needed to vent. Sorry you had to be the "shoulder to cry on." Maybe tomorrow will be more positive! I'm going to choose to have a "great day."

Are we really in a recession?

From what the news says each and every day our nation is facing some hard financial times. They say we are in a recession. Teachers' raises, jobs, money for education, school supplies, and just about anything you can think of that deals with education is being cut. Someone please answer this question for me...If we are having such a hard time financially, why did we just drop $150 million on today's inauguration? I completely understand that today marked a very special day in America's history, but was it really necessary to spend that much money and to get Obama a "special made limo"? It was frivolous if you ask me!

I am so very glad that America is headed in a direction to end all the racial tension and finally show true equality for all people. People are right...I'm sure Dr. King is extremely proud, and I too am proud to be an American. However, we have starving children, homeless people, families who are losing homes, and many other horrible situations, but instead of helping the ones who truly need it, our nation blows 150 million dollars on one day for one man. It's kind of selfish if you ask me, but no one did really. However, I did tell you!

Another bone I have to pick with Obama...He was a teacher in his earlier years. Has he forgotten those days already? If he was in it for any amount of time, he knows that a teacher's job is probably one of the hardest jobs. Being a teacher does not allow for you to go to work at 7:45 a.m. teach children and go home at 2:45 p.m. Being a teacher requires you to bring work home with you every single day. Not only do you have to prepare for tomorrow's lessons, but you also have to worry about your students and their safey and whether they're going to practice what you taught today when they go home. Teachers also must worry about all the unimportant things like do I have the correct amount of word wall words on my wall, are my lesson plans printed so someone can see them if they come to observe, do I have an explanation for my display of student work for others to read, is my editors checklist updated, have I turned in all my spreadsheets to the instructional coach, etc. I swear my brain never has a break!

I'm so afraid of what next year will be like in education if the budget cuts continue. We already know we won't have math workbooks for students to practice. There is a paper and copy shortage. Mental health has been cut back. You tell me how you expect kindergarten and first grade students to learn to write legibly if they don't have the paper to practice on. The realitiy is that it's not going to happen. How are students expected to behave in school if there mental health needs are not being satisfied as they should? What happened to No Child Left Behind? They're all going to be left behind unless we stop all of these stupid budget cuts.

It seems like the idea is to cut where it effects the children the most. Obama said that he doesn't think that teachers need to have a higher education as everyone has smiled upon in the past. He doesn't want to reward teachers for thier hard work and dedication to being life long learners. Every other job in the world increases your pay once you take a step up the education ladder, yet he wants to take that away from teachers too. I mean really...do you think he would be making these same decisions today if he were still a teacher...I THINK NOT!

Come on Washington we've got to do better! Spend you money wisely. Create jobs for all these unemployed people of America. Keep the people happy and take care of those who influence the next generation the most and prepare them to be a functioning well-educated tomorrow. Stop cutting our budget or you're not going to have any of the good teachers left. You're driving us away!

I Always Find Some Way to Make Myself Look Like an Idiot

For those of you who read the title and said, "look like an idiot?" go ahead and SHUT UP:)

One of my friends from high school Tiffany invited Brent and I to come over to her house for game night tonight. Yay! I love, love, love to play games! We started out the night with a little game night goodies (wings, chips and dip, BBQ sandwiches, cookies, and cake). Then, we "let the game begin." First we played Boxers or Briefs where I did fairly well in the beginning until William started spanking all of us. After that my humiliation began.

We played Catch Phrase (my favorite game well, besides Trouble) next. The first round went well, but the next time it was my turn to describe I was the butt of everyone's joke. So it came to me and the word on the screen as I read it was "Bal one y." My description began by asking what does a gymnast have to do on the beam? Emily said "Balance." Just the first syllable I instructed. I proceded to the next syllable of the word and gave the clue, "It's the first number when you count." Everyone yelled, "one!" Okay the last clue was tricky. I said, "This letter when placed at the end of a word makes the sound /e/. The teacher Tiffany said, "y." She must know her phonics:) They blended it together as "Bal One y." Being so proud of myself for tackling that difficult word, I passed the game piece quickly to Brent just before the timer went off. Everyone was very confused by the word I got and no one seemed to know what it was (I'm so good that I got my team to guess a word that no one knew). Yeah Right! Brent looks down at the screen without even thinking and said, "Umm...That says baloney." Everyone laughs hysterically...including myself. I am such an idiot. I honestly thought that the only way baloney could be spelled was bologna, but I guess they don't teach that in first grade.

Having this embarrassing moment happen to me tonight made me think back to high school. It was the week of prom, and I was on the prom committee (my 11th grade year). They wanted us to do some things about staying sober during prom and not drinking and driving. I had to read some type of information relating to that over the loud speaker (for EVERYONE to hear). I came across an unfamiliar word, but I tackled it immediately. I said, "ma can ism." I really didn't think it made much sense and I knew I had messed up, but after completing my reading I looked over and over the word again and came up with the same thing so I guess I was right after all. WRONG! I got back to class and everyone was laughing so hard at me and the teacher looked at me and said, "Tonya, the word is mechanism." I was humiliated, and I really haven't read anything lengthy in front of people my own age since then. I was scarred for life.

So next time you have a moment where your phonics skills don't work for you and you embarrass yourself in front of someone, just remember that I'm an idiot too. Join me on my journey in the life of an idiot who cannot read. So why is it that God has called me to teach six and seven year olds how to read?

The rest of the night was great. Thanks Alton and Tiffany for a fabulous game night!

What's going to happen in twenty years?

Lately Brent has gotten pretty upset about our house being so cluttered with "stuff." He gets so mad anytime someone sends something else home with us. We've only been married for almost four years and the junk we have accumulated is overwhelming. Luckily when we bought a house, we bought one we could grow into. We bought our house almost one year ago, and guess what. It's already FULL! Crazy I know.

He told me that today we were going to get rid of some of this junk. Well, we cleaned out the spare bedroom, but still there was no room. We wanted to move Cam's crib into there since she's sleeping in a 'BIG GIRL" bed now, but there was no room for that. From now on, I am not allowed to bring anything else home with me. I've got to stop being a pack rat and learn to "just say no." Bottom line...We're getting a storage building for the backyard with our tax money. I can't wait until it comes back so my house can be less cluttered!

Mama's Gonna Bring Me a Moking Bird

I've noticed lately how Cam's vocabulary is really expanding and others have commented on it recently. Well, tonight as we're driving home from eating dinner Brent and I were having an intense conversation about something I was worked up over. I kept hearing Cam speak from the backseat, but I didn't pay it much attention. Well, I continued my conversation and it sounded as if she was mocking me. Not thinking the next sentence I said contained the word "crap," which isn't a big deal for most people, but it's not a word that I would like for her to use now or anytime in the near future. You guessed it...She mocked me very clearly. I by no means have a dirty mouth, but I definitely need to censor and be mindful a lot more. Moral of the story: Mommy needs to broaden her vocabulary!

Hitting the BIG 25

As many of you know, I am almost a Christmas baby. If you're birthday is remotely near Christmas you already know what I'm getting to. Christmas birthdays STINK!!! Shew (as Cam would say). Well mine is on the 22nd. Yes, 3 days from Christmas. Close enough to Christmas for people to forget but suddenly remember when they see you at Christmas and say, "Oh well your present is your Christmas and birthday gift together." This, my friends, is the ultimate "I forgot!" My favorite saying, however, comes from my dear old parents. "You can open a Christmas present early on your birthday!" Yay! How exciting? NOT!

This year was completely different from any other birthday I have ever experienced or could have ever imagined. My husband Brent who is the most WONDERFUL man in the world gave me the most thoughtful and memorable birthday, which I don't think he'll ever out do. Did I mention I love him? Oh I do, and not just because he got me the greatest gift ever. It's because he is so thoughtful and sweet. Well, and, I must confess he let me live a dream (you're going to think I'm a complete loser so please do read on!).

You need a little background for this all to make sense. If you know me at all, you know that I am a One Tree Hill fanatic. There is no doubt that if I'm not in class on Monday nights, I am glued to my TV awaiting a new episode of One Tree Hill at 9:00 on the CW. Even when I am in class I'm sitting thinking about all the things that could happen tonight on One Tree Hill. I have seen every episode, and I still get excited to see the reruns on Soap Net when I'm home from school during the week or on Sunday afternoons. Yes, I love my OTH (one tree hill)

Back to my birthday story...For the week building up to my birthday Brent began by leaving me a note on Monday morning before he left for work. It was a riddle that led me to the first clue as to what he got me for my birthday. I totally didn't get the first riddle because it was poorly written (no matter what you say Brent)! Finally, I got it with a little help from my sweet, sweet teacher friends who knew all along, but were threatened not to tell me. The answer to the first clue was "The River Court" (this is where the characters from OTH play basketball). After that clue I said, "Oh my goodness, my husband is the best...He is taking me to Wlimington, NC where OTH is filmed." All my sweet, sweet teacher friends kind of discouraged me from that statement, and after talking with Brent and hearing him complain about money (which he never does), I was convinced that was not what I was getting for my birthday. The only other solution was that he was getting me season 5 of OTH, which is a great gift, but I have to admit that I was disappointed.

He gave me another clue and the answer was Club Tric (the club that Peyton helps Karen run). At this point I was like, "Brent, why are you even bothering giving me clues b/c I already know it's season 5." Ring-a-ling goes sweet, sweet teacher friend Casey's phone with a text that reads, "She thinks she's getting season 5 so just go along with it." Brent sent this after my comment.

When I went to pick up Cam from Nana's house after I got out of school, I was "snooping" (according to Chase) through the presents around her Christmas tree. I just happened to pick up a present and asked who's it was. It was mine! Yay! It was also from Chase. The minute I lifted I knew what it was. (This is how Chase views my guessing--- He says that every time Brent and I went to Best Buy I would go pick up Season 5 of OTH and carry it around and carress it through the store only to put it back on the shelf to leave me longing for the next time I could hold it when we return to Best Buy---thanks a lot for calling me a loser Chase!) It was Season 5. Brent and Chase carpool to work so when they came in the door I said, "I have something to discuss with you, Brent. I know you don't have season 5 for me because Chase bought it for me for Christmas." Aha! Of course Chase said that I was acting like an eight year old snooping through the presents. Who does that anyways? Well, you now know I do. I bet Chase will hide my present next year! So now I knew that it wasn't season 5. My next thoughts were it's the seasons I am missing (2& 4).

Well, Brent gave me a clue on Wednesday before Christmas break and the answer was Paris Hilton. I couldn't figure out what she had to do with OTH b/c she hadn't been a guest star. After school my mind began to wonder and imagine great things, but surely there was not a Hilton hotel in Wilmington...WRONG! After searching the internet and all the clues he had given me, I thought I had figured it out...We're going to Wilmington. When I came home I began to get on the site to bring up the Hilton on the Cape Fear River and Brent told me that my predictions were in fact correct. Am I the luckiest girl in the world or what?

Brent had everything arranged. He mapped out places to visit, and he even arranged for Camryn to spend the weekend with her bestfriend Taylor.

We stayed at the Hilton in a really nice room, but in my opinion it was way overpriced and I felt way out of my social class staying there, but it was great b/c you could see the river court from our hotel room. We went out Friday night to get some grub. I was on the phone with Danielle (checking on Cam) when I saw it...C/B (clothes over bros) only one block up from our hotel. How awesome! I told Danielle, and she said, "well if it's not too expensive, could you pick me up a shirt?" Wow...she really is a blonde deep down inside:) You know I love you! I had to explain to her that it's not a real store that sales real clothes...it's just pretend. Too funny!

The next morning we got up early and we sight seeing. Wilmington is truly a beautiful place, but some parts are quite scary! We walked on the River Walk, went to CD Alley, saw Brooke's, Felix's, Peyton's, and Lucas' houses, keith's auto shop, the River court, and went to Screen Gem Studios where OTH is filmed. It was an amazing day. I got to sit on the bleachers of the River Court where Chad Michael Murry and James Lafferty have sat so many times. I really thought we were going to be shot by a drive by when walking to the bridge that is shown in the intro to OTH before the shows on seasons 1-3. It was in the GHETTO! We saw the school where the outside shots of Tree Hill High are filmed. Best of all we toured the sound stage and sets of Nathan and Haley's house, Mouth and Skill's apartment, and the inside of Tree Hill High School. It was such a neat experience. The only thing that could have made it better was if I could have been an extra and gotten to meet the cast members. Too bad they wrapped up filming the day we arrived huh? Oh well, it's definitely a trip that I would love to take again.

So how was hitting the big 25? I would say that it was quite awesome thanks to my WONDERFUL hubby. I love you Brent! Thanks for making my 25th birthday the best EVER!